


Without Your Love I Won't Make It Through

by c00kie



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Marine Corps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-04-15 03:00:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4590525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c00kie/pseuds/c00kie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Leslie breaks up with Ben before college, Ben makes the choice to join the Marines.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Break Up

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr!

Ben walks home in a daze, the words “Maybe we should break up,” echoing in his head until he lands on his bed, face down on his pillow. 

He feels like he can’t breathe, so he sits up. 

His heart is lodged in his throat. 

The wet spot on his pillow looks like Greenland. 

April stands in his doorway. “Mom wants to know-” 

He closes the door in her face. She can terrorize him later. 

His computer pings. For a brief moment he gets excited, hoping it’s Leslie messaging him to she made a mistake. 

It’s not. It’s just Tom wanting to know if he wants to hang out. 

He types, “Is Leslie going to be there?”, erases it and just says, “No thanks.” and hits send. Then he turns his computer off and goes back to his bed to stare up at the poster of the Enterprise on his ceiling. 

There’s a knock at his door moments later. 

“Yeah?”

His mom comes in. “I made rigatoni.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Ben doesn’t know if his mom senses something’s wrong or if she just doesn’t want to fight, but she just sighs and says. “I’ll leave some out for you in case you change your mind.” 

He wake up somewhere around midnight, his stomach burning, his head pounding. He makes his way down the stairs and heats up the left over pasta. He eats about two bites before he throws the rest in the trash. 

-

The next morning he wakes up to see April staring down at him, a pair of scissors in one hand, a clump of his hair in the other. 

He can’t even bring himself to be mad. 

His heart’s been ripped out of his chest. He might as well lose his hair too. 

“Wow, Ben, you look like you’re about to join the Army.”

It says a lot about Ben’s state of mind that he just looks at his father and says, “That’s not a bad idea.”

April and Stephanie just laugh, as if the idea of Ben joining the Army is the most hysterical thing they’ve ever heard. 

He goes to Chris’ later. “I need you to get me ready for boot camp.”

-

Five weeks go by. At first he wants nothing more than to punch Chris when he calls at 4:30 in the morning to go running, but after awhile he starts anticipating the phone call and waking up before he does. Soon after that, he’s waiting at the door. Then, he’s running to Chris’ house to wait for him. 

He doesn’t see Leslie. Mostly because he avoids every place he knows Leslie will be. 

But that doesn’t stop Leslie from finding him, her eyes unable to leave what’s left of his hair. First she looks upset, then angry. 

“Is it true you’re joining the Army?” 

He gets up from his desk, where he’s been reading Star Wars fan fic all day. 

“Or Marines. I haven’t really decided yet. Although, being a pilot sounds kind of cool,” he says, walking past her to go to his closet for a new shirt. 

He doesn’t miss the intake of breath when he removes his shirt, so he turns to her, so she can see what six weeks of constant exercise has done to his body. It works, judging by the way her eyes travel down his body, taking everything in.

“Why are you here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for all those new experiences?” 

Leslie’s eyes leave his stomach. “What about college?”

“I can still go. Plus it’ll pay for it, so bonus right?”

She grinds her teeth and runs her hand over her face.”Is this to punish me?”

Ben rolls his eyes and puts his shirt on. “No, Leslie. It’s not about you.” 

She just stares at him though, and the longer she does, the more Ben wants to break and beg her to take him back. 

Leslie turns and leaves without saying another word.

\- 

He ends up singing with the Marines, mostly because their recruitment center is closer to his house. Boot camp is in another six weeks. In that time there are aptitude tests. Psych evals. Bets between his friends over how long he will last. 

This time, he doesn’t avoid Leslie. Mostly because he doesn’t need to since her semester at Indiana’s already started. 

He tries not think about her having ‘new experiences’ while he tries to get his arm strength up while he does pull ups to ocean sounds. 

When he looks in the mirror, he barely recognizes himself. He takes the razor to his head.

-

On the day before he leaves for Parris Island, his family throws him a party. There’s cake and calzones and a banner that says Good Luck! He eats his cake outside. 

He keeps expecting Leslie to be there, but she’s not. 

In a way, he misses her now more than ever. The last thing he wants is to leave and have her think he hates her, or that she isn’t the most important person in the world to him.

He’s getting in the car when April says, “Are you going to go see Leslie?”

“No-”

“She’s not a school. She’s at her house.”

That’s not what he expected.“She’s here?”

April shrugs. “Yeah. She’s here. But you shouldn’t go talk to her because you suck and she can do better-”

Ben rushes over and hugs her.”Thank you.”

“I’m going to murder you if you don’t stop hugging me.”

He’s going to miss her.

-

Sure enough, Leslie’s at her house. She says nothing, letting him inside without a word.

“I wanted to come today,” she says, following him into the living room. “But I didn’t think you wanted me to be there. Also, seeing you without your hair makes me want to cry.”

He has no doubt the last part is true, but the rest of is isn’t.“That’s not true,” he replies, stepping closer to her. ”I wanted you there. Leslie-”

“When I said I didn’t want to keep you from any new experiences, I meant since long distance is hard and you’ll be meeting new people. I didn’t want you to meet someone and be beholden to someone who’s so far away.”

“Well see that’s where you’re wrong. There’s no one else for me but you.”

He’s not surprised by the way she starts crying, or by the way she and throws her arms around him. He’s not even surprised when she kisses him. 

What he is surprised by his the way she holds his face in her hands and says, “I love you, so you better not die.”

“I’m not going to die,” he promises. 

And then he kisses her, long and hard because it’s going to be the long time before he’ll get to kiss her again. When it ends, she just stares are him, dazed. He stares back, waiting. As far as Ben’s concerned, the ball is in her court. 

She grabs his hand and takes him upstairs to her bedroom. 

They’ve done this many times. So many that he’s lost count. But this time is different. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s stronger and can lift her up against the wall, or if it’s because his stamina is better so he can fuck her until she’s a sobbing mess, begging him to let her cum already, or if it’s because he has to make it count since it will be the last time for either one of them for awhile. 

It doesn’t matter the reason. What matters is Leslie is passed out on his chest and tomorrow he’s going to start a new chapter in his life. 

He can finally breathe again.


	2. The Reunion

Leslie’s making her morning coffee when she hears the doorbell ring. Setting her cup down, she goes to the door, expecting Ann or maybe even a very early delivery man. 

What she gets is Ben Wyatt, standing in his fatigues with a sleepy smile on his face and a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand. He says nothing, mostly because Leslie’s too busy crashing her lips against his to let him say hello. 

“Hello,” he says when she finally lets his lips go. 

“Hello, Private Wyatt.” He’s here, on her porch, alive and tasting like spearmint and lemonade. She pinches herself just to make sure she’s not dreaming.

“That’s Private First Class Wyatt,” he replies, guiding her back into her house, dropping the flowers and his bag onto the floor.

“That’s amazing!” Leslie’s heart feels like it wants to burst with pride. She can’t wait to tell people her boyfriend was promoted. “How’s Afghanistan?” 

“Terrible, I hate it, but I don’t want to talk about it,” Ben says, lips kissing down her neck. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been in a desert with no one but a bunch of other horny dudes for company and I’ve missed you so-” 

Leslie’s going to ask him why there aren’t any women there, but then he’s pulling down her pajama pants and lifting her up against her wall and she forgets everything except the feeling of his tongue as he searches her like she has buried treasure inside her puss. 

She claws at the wall. 

Even though Leslie’s seen Ben twice since he enlisted and went off to boot camp, she’s still always surprised by how strong he is. It still feels like yesterday that he was just a scrawny teenage boy who was fumbling to take his pants off in front of her. 

Now he’s holding her up like she’s nothing. 

He sucks on her clit and she loses all control. 

She’s coming down when he slowly puts her down onto the ground. “Fuck me,” she says, “Right now.”

Ben grins against her lips. “Yes, ma’am.” 

He takes his clothes off right in the middle of her living room and she can’t breathe. He’s still slim, still compact, but there’s a hardness beneath his skin, his thighs are thick with muscle, his stomach flat enough she could eat an ice cream sundae off of it. 

Without a word, Leslie drops down to her knees and places her hands on his hipbones and takes his cock into her mouth, eyes up and connected with his until he closes them, saying, “Make it messy, Baby.”

She smiles, intending to do it just as he says, feeling it’s her patriotic duty to make the sexiest marine in the world happy. 

Also she just really wants to. 

While she works him, licking and sucking and covering his dick with spit and his own precum, she feels his body with her hands, his legs, his stomach, his cute, flat butt. 

Leslie takes him all the way down, closing her eyes and breathing his musty, clean scent in while he grips her hair. 

“Fuck. I missed you, baby. I’m not going to-”

No, he won’t last like this. Not when it’s been this long. So she releases him and stands up, wiping her mouth. 

She takes off her shirt. His eyes fall to her breasts. “How would you like to fuck me, Private First Class Benjamin Wy-”

This time, it’s Ben’s turn to cut her off with a hard kiss. “Upstairs.”

They fall on her bed together, lips connected. She raises her legs to take him in deep, fingers scratching his shoulders and back as he thrusts inside her, hard and slow, as if he wants to make it last as long as possible. 

“It’s okay,” she whispers, “Fuck me.” 

He looks at her with this intense expression that she can’t name. He kisses her forehead and sits up, taking her feet and anchoring them around his shoulders. 

She feels like the bed might break beneath her, but it’s hard to care when her entire body is floating with otherworldly pleasure and she can’t even scream because her breath is caught her throat. 

It’s been so long for both of them.

It’s not until he cums, that she realizes just how much she needed that. Vibrators are great, but they’re nothing compared to him. 

“I love you,” she says, while they share soft kisses. 

“I love you,” he says in return. “I got something for you.”

“You mean that wasn’t my present?” she asks, missing him already when he leaves the bed. 

“Oh, that was part of it. And there’s more where that’s from. I’ve got three days leave, I hope you don’t have any plans.”

“I don’t,” she says. If she did she’ll just cancel them. 

“Wait here,” he orders. She watches as he leaves the room and then goes into her bathroom to clean off and give a thumbs up to her reflection. She looks like a woman who’s been thoroughly fucked and can’t wait for it to happen again. 

She really can’t wait until it happens again. Next time she’s going to ride him like a rocket. 

Leslie comes out of the bathroom just as Ben gets back, wearing his pants, hands empty. “I thought you were getting me my present. And why are you wearing pants?”

“Because I think this is a pants situation.”

“Oh. Should I wear pants?”

“If you want,” he says, but he’s already bending down on one knee and taking a ring out of his pocket. 

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re proposing. Oh god, you’re proposing and I’m naked.” 

“You can put on clothes, if you want. I can wait.”

Leslie quickly pulls a t shirt dress over her head and then, realizing she’s crying, wipes her face. “Okay. Now you can-”

“Leslie Knope, I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, and I don’t know what the future has but I know I want to spend it with you-”

“Yes.”

Ben sighs “I haven’t actually asked you yet.”

“Sorry.” She’s not. She wants to kiss him again. 

“Marry me.” It’s not a question. 

“You’re going to make an excellent General someday,” she says, because she’s already said yes and the thought of him being in command is too much for her even think about. 

So she’s going to think about it all the time. 

Ben kisses her thoughts away.


	3. protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's protectiveness- past and present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and comments and love!

Leslie’s dreaming about snorkeling when she hears a crash, startling her awake. A hand presses against her chest though, and she follows it from fingertips to wrist to arms all the way up Ben’s neck to meet his eyes in the dark.

He shakes his head. There’s another crash and she gasps.

“Stay here.” He uses his Corporal voice, making her think of desert and gunfire, Ben barking orders at his squadron.

He kisses her once, promising he’ll be right back.

She doesn’t miss the way his eyes dart to the locked drawer in his bedside table.

Leslie takes a deep breath and grabs his pillow, hugging it to his chest as he leaves the room, empty handed.

There’s another noise. She presses the pillow closer to her chest and breathes in his scent, allowing it to calm her ever so slightly.

-

He’s always slept closer to the door.

-

His exact words are,“Dad’s going on a fishing trip this weekend, and I rented The Monster Squad if you want to come over and watch it with me. Henry says it’s cool.”

“Oh. Well if Henry says it’s cool,” Leslie says, closing her locker.“I mean, I have to make sure it’s okay with Mom.”

“Right, um yeah. So just uh, let me know,” he says, smiling as he kisses her cheek.

“Wow,” Ann says as she and Leslie start walking toward homeroom.“You two are totally going to have sex.”

“No we’re not,” Leslie says, rolling her eyes.“We’ve only been going out for a month and a- oh we’re having sex.”

“Yep.”

Leslie takes a deep breath. This is fine. She’s fine. Ben is great. Having sex with Ben would also be great.

“Okay. What do I do?”

“Shave your legs.”

“That’s it?”

“And your pits,” someone says, helpfully.

“Oh and your bikini line!”

Leslie looks at Ann, wondering if that part is really necessary. Ann just shrugs.

“Up to you.”

That’s not so helpful.

On Friday, she makes Ann come over to help her pick out an outfit.;“Does this say,“Hello Ben, I’ve come to jump your bones?”

“Yes.”

“More than the blue?”

“You know that’s the same dress except for the colors, right?”

“I know. I just want it to be perfect.”

Ann puts her hands on Leslie’s arms.“It will be.”

Those three simple words allow Leslie to breathe again. Ann’s right. It’s going to be perfect. She’s shaved- her legs and her armpits- leaving her bikini line untouched, for no other reason than she doesn’t know how and didn’t think razor burn would be all that sexy-and she's made cookies.

She chooses the red dress.

-

It goes like this:

At six thirty Leslie arrives at Ben’s house, wearing her red dress, her hair pinned to one side, lip gloss reapplied and holding a plate of cookies.

Henry answers the door. He doesn’t say anything at first, just looks her over with his eyes before going, “Wow.”

“Hi.” She’s blushing head to toe. “Is Ben-”

“Hey, Benji! Your girlfriend is here,” Henry yells, stepping aside to let Leslie in. “You are way too pretty for him. Did he bribe you into dating him?”

“Shut up,” Ben says, coming out of the kitchen, his expression changing the moment he sees her. “Oh. Hi.”

He’s dressed in a t-shirt and jeans with a hole just above the knee. His hair is uncombed.

She feels over dressed. And pretty sure that Ann was wrong. Maybe Ben really did invite her over to watch a movie.

“Oh, look Ben, Leslie made you cookies,” Henry says, peering at the plate. “Heart shaped with red icing. And it’s not even Valentine’s day.”

“It was nothing,” Leslie says, “I just thought we might want some while we watched the movie it’s no big deal,” except that she had to search the basement for the heart shaped cookie cutters.

“Cool,” Ben says, his eyes still focused on her chest. “I uh, was going to make some popcorn.”

“I like popcorn.”

Henry rolls his eyes. “You two have fun. I’ll be in the basement playing video games with Steph if you two need anything.”

Before he goes though, Henry stops next to Ben, putting his hand on Ben’s shoulder as he whispers in his ear. Leslie watches as Ben’s eyes widen, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline.

She’s very curious to know what Henry said. But he leaves and they’re alone.

“So,” she says, “popcorn?”

So Ben makes the popcorn and grabs them two root beers out of the fridge and he leads her up the stairs to his room.

Okay, maybe this is a sexy situation after all.

His room is nice. Oak furniture with lots of blues and white accents. There’s a Minnesota Twins poster on one wall and Luke Skywalker on the other. His dresser has a lot of action figures.

And there’s a tv/vcr combination.

His bed is a twin, pressed against the wall.

She’s unsure if she should sit on the floor or on the bed, so she waits. He takes the cookies from her, placing them both on his desk while he puts the movie in and pushes play. Then, he brings the popcorn and cookies back over the bed.

He puts both on the floor and grabs two pillows off the bed, giving one to her.

She’s never been so confused in her life.

But she sits and puts the pillow behind her back and leans against his bed and watches the movie.

-

This is what Ann told her would happen:

“He’ll put in some stupid movie and before you know it, you’ll be making out.”

Leslie really needs to know where Ann got her info, because the movie has been on for over forty minutes and the only time Ben’s touched her is when his hand accidentally bumped hers when they were reaching for a cookie at the same time

It figures Ben would be into some ridiculous movie about monsters.

“You look uncomfortable,” Ben says, “You want to sit on the bed?”

He’s right. She is uncomfortable, but not because of the floor. “Yeah, okay.”

The bed is only slightly softer than the floor.

“Oh, this part’s funny,” Ben says, still on the floor.

-

What happens is Leslie falls asleep.

She’s not sure what time it is when she wakes up, but the room is dark and the movie’s over and it’s completely dark outside.

She can hear the raccoons snickering outside.

Leslie counts to ten. If she leaves now, her mom might not ground her for the next year.

Only she can’t move because Ben’s next to her, trapping her between him and the wall.

He’s snoring.

“Ben?” she whispers. At least he’s sleeping next to her and not on the floor.

He mumbles, “Won’t let Dracula get you,” and rolls onto her.

This is the most he’s touched her all night.

-

“You’re grounded for two weeks. And you’re not allowed to go to Ben’s house ever again.”

“Fine,” Leslie says, “All we did was watch some dumb movie anyway.”

“Ah, the dumb movie trick. I know that one well. In fact, your father-”

Leslie shakes her head. “No tricks. Just a movie so dumb I fell asleep halfway through it.”

Marlene cackles. “Oh, honey.”

“I made him sex cookies!”

Marlene’s laughter follows her out of the living room.

Leslie’s still fuming when the doorbell rings. She figures it’s Ann, wanting to know all the details.

Instead it’s Ben, holding the plate of what’s left of the cookies. “Hey.”

“Ben’s not allowed in here either,” Marlene calls inside the house. “Take it outside!”

“It’s okay,” Ben says, “I uh, just thought I would drop these off.”

She starts crying. She can’t help it. Maybe it’s because she’s close to her period. Maybe it’s because she’s been grounded. Maybe it’s because she spent the week looking forward to having sex with Ben, only for him to reject her.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Leslie lies, wiping her face furiously. “You should go.”

“Yeah,” Ben agrees, “I’ll see you Monday.”

There’s no kiss goodbye. He just turns and starts walking down the steps of their front porch. He stops at the bottom though, turning around. “I know what your friends told you. About us. And then Henry- and I just. I didn’t want you to think I was trying to pressure you into anything.”

“Oh.” God he’s an idiot. An adorable, protective idiot.

“Yeah, so.”

“So you like me?” She has to make sure they’re actually still going out.

He grins, slow and easy. “A lot.”

-

It’s probably just a raccoon. She repeats it like a mantra. And even if it isn’t, her husband is a strong man, capable of killing someone with his bare hands.

There’s a scream that isn’t Ben’s and it takes everything in Leslie’s power not to jump out of the bed and run toward it, but she remains in the bed, pulling the pillow even closer.

-

He’s always slept closer to the door. He’s always been protective. But now he double checks to make sure every door leading outside is locked before they go to bed. Their bed is so much bigger than his twin or her double back in high school, but he still puts his arm around her.

At first she thought it was to keep her from getting up in the middle of the night.

But now she thinks it’s something else.

The door swings open and Ben’s there, holding a sobbing Jean Ralphio by his neck.

“This was in our kitchen, eating my left over calzone.”

Leslie’s too relieved it wasn’t a robber or a Taliban soldier or Dracula to care.

“Let him go, honey,” she says, going over to him. “Put him down.”

Ben glares at Jean Ralphio as he releases him, making the other man stumble before he catches himself.

“Damn, this is a nice room.”

“Leslie, Jean Ralphio here says you gave him a key.”

Crap on a cracker. She knew she forgot to do something.“Yes, I did.”

“You gave Jean Ralphio a key to our house.”

“I had to! I was visiting Ann in Michigan and I needed someone to water the plants.”

Ben crosses his arms. Leslie tries not to focus on his muscles. Or how sexy he is, knowing he would just order her to focus. “And you chose Jean Ralphio.”

“He’s surprisingly good with them,” Leslie replies, shrugging. “He saved Donna’s ficus.”

“It’s true,” Jean Ralphio says, coming to stand next to them. “By the way, Les, your boobs are looking-”

“That’s it,” Ben growls, grabbing Jean Ralphio again. “Out of my house.”

Five minutes later, Ben’s back, still agitated and holding a key and glaring at her as he throws it on the dresser.

“Are you mad that I gave Jean Ralphio a key or because he ate your calzone?”

“Both,” Ben says, stripping out of his clothes. “I’m going to have to make sure he and his sister didn’t steal anything.”

“I’m sure your comics are safe.”

Ben groans, sitting on the bed. She sits next to him, taking his hand into hers.

“I promise I won’t get anyone named Saperstein a key to our house again.”

“Or Tom.”

“Really?”

“I’m afraid he’ll come in and switch all of my shampoo for his over priced stuff.”

Leslie’s laughter fades when she notices her husband staring at the floor.

“It could have been worse,” Ben says, hands shaking. “I’m going to install a security system so that-”

“When are you leaving?” It’s the only thing that would explain Ben's behavor. 

His eyes meet hers and his smile is the worst thing she's ever seen. She hates this part more than anything. 

“In a week. I hope I'm home before the baby is due but-”

“We’ll be okay,” Leslie says, because if she thinks about the possibility of her husband not being there when she has their son, she’ll lose it. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“I don’t know-”

She grabs his face and kisses him, like he does for her whenever she’s spiraling. “We’re going to be okay, all three of us.”

“Do that again,” he orders.

So she does. Again and again until they finally ball back asleep.

 


	4. The Introduction

It's midnight when Marlene opens the door. "Ben," she says in a soft voice like she's afraid to speak any louder. 

"Hey, Marlene," Ben says, feeling as nervous as when he talks to his commander. She wraps her arms around him, hugging him tight before letting him inside. 

"They're upstairs," she says. "Sleeping."

"Oh. Should I wait here-"

Marlene rolls her eyes. "Oh for heaven's sake, Benjamin. Go upstairs and see your wife and son."

A son. He has a son. He's seen him already, on a terrible Skype connection and photos on his iPhone but this is different. This time he'll be able to touch his soft blonde hair and smell the baby powder on his skin. 

This time, he will get to kiss his wife. 

As he walks up the stairs, he feels another pang of regret. He should have been here. He should have held her hand and wiped the sweat off her brow and let her call him every curse word in the book. 

He pauses at the top of the stairs. It wasn't his fault. He's actually on time. 

Their son was the one who decided to come early. 

Ben lets out a breath and continues down the hall, to their bedroom. The door is open, just enough that he can push it open and step inside. 

Light from outside illuminates their king sized bed. There, in a deep sleep, are Leslie, her arm draped across their son. Ben doesn't go over there yet though, wanting to get out of his fatigues first. 

He's looking for his pajama pants, his favorite pair that he's missed while overseas, when he hears Leslie say, "Ben?" 

He turns to her. She's sitting up and squinting, like she can't decide if she's awake or not, but then she reaches out for him with both hands. 

"Come here." 

He's does as she says, even though he's still only in his boxer briefs. "Hey you." 

"Hi," she says, leaning up so he can kiss her. Which he does, holding her cheek in his hand as he tastes mint on her tongue. 

She pulls back. "Dr. Saperstein says I can't get carried away for six weeks."

"Bummer." It is definitely a bummer, as she's the cutest woman in the world and he just wants to make out with her forever. 

"I know. I've missed this tight bod," she says, hands on his stomach. "Did I tell you about dream I had about eating a waffle sundae off you? It was so-"

"I missed you too." 

She smiles and kisses his hipbone. He raises an eyebrow, because he's pretty sure this is what her doctor meant by not getting carried away. "So did mom let you in?"

"Yeah. Hey, do you know what happened to my pajama pants?"

"The blue ones?"

"Yeah." 

She lifts the blanket up, grinning while he stares down at his pants. "You mean these blue pajama pants?"

"Yes, Those blue pajama pants," Ben says, wondering how she even wear them. She must have to roll the cuffs several times so she doesn't trip. 

"They're the only things that are comfortable."

"Then you can keep them," he says, kissing her forehead. 

There's a sound, a tiny whine that makes Ben's heart skip a thousand and one beats. They both turn toward it. And Ben carefully sits next to Leslie so he can get a better look. 

"Wow." He's tinier than Ben expected, with a head full of blonde curls and Leslie's nose and his chin. 

"I know. He's perfect." 

"You're perfect," he says, just as their son opens his eyes. They're blue, but he's read they'll probably change before he's a year. 

"So, you're set on that name huh?"

She yawns as she nods. "It's on the birth certificate, Ben. No take backs."

"Yeah, but Benjamin Jr.?" It's not that he's against his son having his name He's just not looking forward to people teasing him for being named Blow Job. 

Ben doesn't say this though, too caught up in feeling like he's being studied. 

"Are you going to hold him?" 

Right. He can do that. Carefully, Ben picks his son up, all too aware of how tiny and fragile he is. 

Ben Jr. continues to stare at him. Ben puts him against his chest. He's the smallest man in his regiment, but right now he feels like a giant. 

"Hey, BJ. I'm dad. I know I'm not as cool as mom right now, but…" Ben trails off, unable to speak. He glances at Leslie for help, only to see her slumped over and snoring. "Okay. I guess it's just us for right now. So, uh, what do you think are the Minnesota Wild's chances this year?" 

He whines again. 

"Yeah," Ben says as they walk around the room. "I don't think it looks great either."


	5. in the quiet

In the quiet Leslie likes to listen to Ben breath while he sleeps. She watches his body rise and fall with each inhale and exhale, counting her blessings with each and every single one.

To think she almost lost this.

She puts her hand on his chest to feel his heart beat. He’s here. He’s alive and he’s here and-

“You’re freaking out again,” he says, voice heavy and full of gravel. “I’m right here. Go to sleep, babe.”

“I can’t.”

Ben sighs and opens his eyes, shifting his body so they’re face to face. “What’s the worst that will happen?”

“I’ll wake up and you won’t be here. You’ll be in Afghanistan still, being shot at. You were shot Ben, shot!”

“Shh,” he says, placing his finger on her lips. “I’m right here. It’s not a dream. I’m not dead.”

“You sure?”

“I’m positive.” Ben kisses her, somehow soft and firm at the same time. “If this was heaven, you would be wearing nothing but roller skates.”

She laughs into his chest. “Perv.”

“Yeah,” Ben agrees, voice low again. “But you’re not, you’re in my clothes and BJ’s in his room and the dog is on the couch chewing on my shoes. Also I’m in a considerable amount of pain so-”

Leslie sits up immediately. “What do you need?”

“Nothing,” Ben says, “Just you.”

“Ben, the doctor gave you those pills to help you-”

“I don’t want to get addicted,” he says. “I’m okay. I promise.”

He takes her hands and pulls her back down beside him. “  
Now please go to sleep.”

Leslie promises she will, but she doesn’t. She just waits for Ben to drift off and for the world to get quiet again.

Then she listens to him breathe until morning.


	6. The Surprise

“I think if we get together on Thursday afternoons-” Leslie paused, realizing her classmates were no longer walking with her. “What is it?”

“Would you look at that,” Reba licks her lips, staring out into the distance.

“I’d sure like to climb him,” Anna adds.

“Who are you-” Leslie asks, just as she finds him. He’s on the other side of the courtyard, wearing jeans and a USMC pullover, holding a bouquet of wildflowers in one and and a large stuffed gorilla wearing a Marine’s shirt in the other.

“His hair is too short,” Leslie mumbles to herself. Reba and Anna hear her though and laugh, shaking their heads.

“I’d still do him.”

“I wonder who he’s here for,” Reba says.

“I know,” Anna adds, “Lucky bitch.”

Leslie frowns as her eyes meet Ben’s. He tilts his head, saying everything with just one look. She stares back, wondering what he’s doing there. Not that she isn’t happy to see him. She’s missed him terribly.

It’s just he looks so different. Even before he left he at least still resembled the boy she fell in love with.

But the Ben mouthing, “Come here,” to her isn’t a boy. He’s a man.

Anna’s right. He definitely needs to be climbed.

“He’s here for me.”

She takes off, running as fast as she can with her heavy backpack on her back, into his arms. He kisses her hard, almost bruising her lips but she doesn’t care.

“Hi, babydoll.”

“Hi.”

He sets her down, kissing her again, this time slower and softer as if he hasn’t noticed they’re in public. He smells amazing, like he came home and showered before coming to surprise her.

“You’re here. And you bought me presents.”

“I did,” Ben says, giving her the flowers and the gorilla.She smells the flowers and hugs the gorilla close.

“Someone in the Marine’s loves you,” Leslie reads. “Awww.”

Ben smile falls after a moment.“Um, your friends are staring a me.”

“That’s because they’re objectifying you. Plus they’re probably really jealous,” Leslie says, more into the idea than she should be. “Turn around so they can see your butt.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “How about instead, I take you to lunch and then we go to your house and I count the freckles on your thighs with my tongue.”

“Private Benjamin Wyatt.” She smacks his shoulder, laughing.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” she says as he places his arm around her shoulder and walks her away.


	7. the wedding

The wedding is short and simple. The groom wears his dress blues and the bride a white sundress she bought at Lady Place that morning with the tag still attached until the maid of honor, Ann Perkins, sees it and cuts it off right before Ben starts his vows.

They exchange rings, the Justice of the Peace pronounces them husband and wife and Ben dips Leslie, kissing her while Ann, Chris, and Marlene applaud. 

April, on the other hand, boos. “Boo, divorce him right now!”

“Okay,” Leslie says, once Ben brings her back up and she’s caught her breath. “Who wants JJ’s?”

It makes sense that their wedding reception take place at JJ’s. They sit at a big round table and JJ puts a stack of waffles on the table and says, “This one’s on me,” before kissing Leslie’s cheek.

“I knew getting married would have its perks,” Leslie says, eying the waffle tower with an almost manic look in her eye.

“I think that’s supposed to be for the whole table doll,” Ben tells her, laughing at her confused expression.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he says, kissing her until April tells them to stop. He puts his hat on her head.

She cackles and starts dishing out the waffles to the group, except for Chris, who is happily eating a piece of cantaloupe.

“You’re eating carbs, Ben Wyatt?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll work it off.”

The table is silent for a moment as the meaning of Ben’s words settle in. The reaction is almost as instantaneous

“Ew.”

“Gross.”

“You’re right, sex is a magnificent way to work off those calories, Ben Wyatt.

“It’s my favorite way.”

“Mom!”

Marlene just cackles and Ben puts his arm around Leslie’s shoulder, kissing the top of her head.

They eat, interrupted occasionally by people who want to congratulate them on their marriage and thank him for his service.

They’re in the parking lot, hugging each other goodbye when April asks, “Are you going to tell mom and dad?”

Ben sighs. “I’m going to call mom and Steph later. Henry already knows so...

“What about dad?”

“Oh, I thought I’d send a card.”

“Ben,” Leslie says, taking his hands into hers, “We have to go tell him.”

“You have to drop me off anyway,” April adds.

“Ugh, okay, let’s do this.”

They walk into the Wyatt’s house, the tv blasting from the den, punctuated by fierce yelling.

“Okay, let’s go and come back when the Twins aren’t losing.”

“That would take forever,” Leslie mutters, earning a glare from Ben.

“What was that?”

“The Twins are the best team in the world and I love you?”

“That’s right.” Ben grins and kisses Leslie.

“Come on loser.”

“That’s Private First Class loser to you,” Ben says, but he’s grabbing Leslie’s hand and following April into the den.

“Benny!” Steve says, standing up to hug him.

“Hey, dad.”

“When did you get back?”

“Last night.”

“And you didn’t come home?”

“I was with Leslie.”

Steven glances at Leslie, as if realizing she’s there for the first time. “Leslie.”

“Steven.” Leslie narrows her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest.

He laughs, patting her hard on the arm. “Want a beer?”

“Thanks,” Leslie and Ben say together.

Steve heads into the kitchen, flanked by the newlyweds. “So,” he says, opening the bottles with his favorite bottle opener before handing the beers to them, “you get married?”

“Yes,” Ben says, “And before you ask, no, Leslie’s not pregnant.”

“To bad. Your new sister could use a playmate.”

“My what?” Ben asks, hand squeezing Leslie’s almost too tight.

“Steve, who’s here?” Ulani asks as she walks into the kitchen. “Oh. It’s you.”

“Hey, Ulani,” Ben says. “Congratulations? I think?”

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes and leaves the kitchen without another word.

They leave quickly after that, only stopped by April who takes Leslie aside. “I can stay with you right? Because you know with Ulani preg-”

“Most definitely,” Leslie says, giving her new sister in law a tight hug before Ben pulls her away.

“Let’s go.”

For a minute, April just glares at Ben, who looks calmly back at her, as if nothing she can say or do can possibly faze him anymore. And that’s probably true, having spent over almost a year and half in the marines

“You know I love Leslie more than you, right?”

He smiles. “I know.”

“Okay,” April says, hugging herself. “Well um, when you go back to Siberia-”

“Afghanistan,”

“Don’t like, die or whatever.”

Ben laughs. “I won’t,” he promises, hugging his sister. “Stay with Leslie as much as you can after I leave tomorrow,” he whispers into her ear.

They go to Leslie's house, knowing her mom is staying at her boyfriend's house for the night. Later they'll talk about Leslie finding them a house of their own, but for now, they go upstairs to her room, hands laced together. 

“Okay, so name your favorite part of the day,” Leslie says as they walk into her bedroom.“Mine was the waffles.”

Ben removes his hat, placing it on the dresser. “Oh, well the waffles were good,” he says, “But I haven’t gotten to my favorite part of the day yet.”

She laughs and starts to help him take off his uniform, stealing kisses every chance she gets.

“You’re so sexy,” she says, running her hands down his arms, stopping on his forearms.

“That so?”

“That’s so,” Leslie answers, lifting his t-shirt off and giving his chest a kiss.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you a real honeymoon,” Ben says, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I know,” she replies, arms around his neck, fingers stroking his too short hair.

“And that you didn’t really have time to plan your dream wedding. I know you wanted like a ten tier wedding cake and chocolate top hats-”

“I wanted you.”

And with a sudden growl, Ben picks her up and throws her on the bed.


	8. homecoming

“It’s a beautiful day in Indianapolis,” the pilot says, “weather’s seventy two and sunny...”

Ben tunes him out as he watches the ground out of the window. As clouds become squares of grass and buildings take shape and cars no longer look like specs on the ground. The plane touches down with a jolt, but Ben doesn’t mind it.

That jolt means he’s home.

After nine months of being in Afghanistan, he’s home. Nine months of letters and care packages and terrible Skype calls that were constantly interrupted, he can finally take his wife in his arms and hold her close and breathe in her shampoo.

And that’s exactly what he does, scooping her up as soon as he sees her. Her hair is slightly darker and he thinks there might be even more freckles on her face, making him wonder if there are any more new ones to discover on her body.

God, he hopes so. Nine months without freckle hunting is just way too long.

He puts her down when she says his name, but he doesn’t let go. He can’t. Not yet. He needs just a little more time holding her, just so he knows this is real. He wants a lot of things. A calzone, a shower, a nap, sex, but none of them come close to being as important as this.

“Are you hungry?” she asks.

“Starving,” he answers, looking her over. Her neck flushes and he feels another jolt, this one of satisfaction. Nine months but he can still make her blush with only a single word.

But then she laughs and pushes him, even though he goes nowhere. “Come on, I saw a diner up the highway not too far from here.” He picks his bag back up from the ground and takes her hand, not letting go until the reach the car.

The diner isn’t as good as JJ’s, but it’s still better than eating nothing but MREs all the time. Leslie tells him everything he missed. How Tom has started yet another business and how Ann and Chris had dinner a couple times but then he started dating this woman he met while running and Ann was bummed about that and how her Gender and Politics professor doesn’t like her, things he already knows from reading her letters. He listens anyway as he drinks his coffee and eats his omelet, needing just to hear her voice. 

She keeps her hand on his arm, her thumb tracing the words “I love you and I like you,” in her handwriting on the way home. It, and the words “We the people,” on his other are constant reminders of the two things Ben values most.

"You probably want a nap and a shower-" she says as they walk in the door of her mother's house. "And maybe a-"

He kisses her before she can say what he might need. He kisses her deeply, he way she deserves to be kissed after nine months. 

"Beer." 

"A beer is good," Ben says, already unbuttoning his wife's blouse. "And so is a nap and a shower, but first, I want to take you upstairs and show you how much I've missed you."

Her eyes brighten and he finds himself embraced by her, her lips on his and everywhere else she can reach. He picks her up with ease and carries her upstairs, nearly tripping on the top step. She laughs and their mouths meet again. 

They fall on the bed together and he kisses every part of skin he can, her neck, her shoulders, chest. He takes her breasts into his mouth, worshipping them. 

"Ben, please. I need you." 

He sits up long enough to take off his uniform. She pulls down her pants and panties and then he falls back on her, his fingers finding her wet and ready. 

“I love you,” he says, pushing into her. "I love you," into her neck. "I love you," watching her try to catch her breath. "I love you," fingers clutching her hips, trying to be as deep as he can in her. "I love you," he says, over and over, with every thrust and between every kiss. He says it until it's nothing but babble and he falls apart. 

It's over too soon, but she kisses his lips softly and says, "Welcome home, soldier." 

He wraps his arm around her and closes his eyes. 

He's home now.


	9. safe

“You’re safe now,” she says, combing her fingers through his hair as he wakes up from his nightmare. “You’re in bed with me, we’re in our home. Our son is asleep in his bed and our dog is snoring beside my feet.” 

Leslie watches as Ben’s face changes. As the hardness softens and he’s no longer a soldier in battle, but a husband in bed with his wife. 

He exhales and a tear falls from his eyes. He kisses her leg, asking, “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” she says, “you could never do that.”

“Leslie. Did I-”

“No,” she says again. “I swear. You can even check.”

He sits up and kisses her lips before getting out of bed. Candy looks up, somehow knowing what’s going to come next. Both of them watch as Ben limps around the bedroom, putting on a sweat shirt and jeans. 

“I’ll be back,” he promising, giving her another kiss. “C’mon Candy.”

Every time Ben has a nightmare, he makes sure Leslie’s okay and then he and Candy go for a walk. Sometimes they’re gone for ten minutes, other times an hour. It all depends on the dream and his leg. 

Leslie busies herself by checking on BJ and then she does everything she can to keep busy while she waits for them to come home. 

Tonight she busies herself with a needlepoint pillow for Ann on the couch until she the front door opens and they come back in. He takes off her leash and looks at the clock. They were only gone twenty minutes.

“Eh, it’s almost time for breakfast, isn’t it girl?”

Candy bounces into the kitchen. Leslie follows them, ready to make breakfast for him and herself but Ben shakes his head. 

“Let me.” he says. 

She knows what he means is, “I need to make you breakfast.”

He needs the normalcy. 

Ben feeds Candy, makes them eggs and french toast. He puts some on a plate for BJ later. 

They eat in silence until Ben releases a breath and says, “I saw his face this time. I mean his real face.”

In previous dreams, Ben’s subconscious made him forget what his shooter looked like. Either it was a dark spot where a face should be, or replaced by someone he knew. Leslie tried not to take the one where it was her personally. 

“That’s good right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He looks up at the ceiling. “Fuck. Leslie He was just a kid.”

She takes his hand and he moves, falls into her shoulder. He doesn’t cry, he just rests his forehead in the crook of her neck and breathes in and out while she plays with the ends of his hair. 

After a few moments, Ben sits back up and kisses her hand. “Thank you.”

“It’s my job to keep you safe,” she says, kissing his forehead. He smiles back, amused almost that she would say such a thing, but he doesn’t argue. “Thank you for that too.” 

She says, “You’re welcome. Now I’m going to clean up. You go lie down.” 

“Ugh.” He shakes his head. “I don’t think I can do the stairs today.” 

“Oh.” She didn’t think about that. In all her worry about Ben’s mind, she forgot about his broken body. “Well lie on the couch. I’ll get the heating pad.” 

Ben sighs. “Yeah. Okay.”

His limp looks worse as he walks away and Leslie just writes, find a one story house on her mental to do list for the day. 

The next few hours Leslie makes sure Ben’s comfortable on the couch, cleans the kitchen and continues Ann’s pillow until she hears, “MOMMY!” 

“I think that’s for you.” 

“Wait-” Leslie says holding up her finger.

“DADDY!”

Ben glances up the stairs, his heart clearly aching to respond to his son’s call. 

“I’ll go get him,” Leslie says, already on her way. He’s standing at the top of the stairs, blocked by the child gate. His face is scrunched. 

“Mommy!” 

“Hi there,” she says, picking him up. 

Worrying about her highly energetic son falling down the stairs is only more incentive to find a new house. 

She helps him put on his daily clothes and then takes him downstairs, telling him to, “Be gentle with daddy today.”

“Leg hurt?”

“Leg hurt,” Ben confirms. BJ responds by kissing the wrong leg. Then he goes over to his toy box and gets his favorite race car. 

“Zooooom!”

“Hey, BJ,” Leslie says, “You want some French toast?” 

BJ eats his without syrup or butter, preferring to tear off pieces, splitting it between he and Candy. 

And while BJ plays and Leslie starts looking for new houses on the market, Ben falls back asleep. This time he doesn’t dream.


End file.
